What Shall We Do With Our Elderly?

While perusing bulk nuts at Henry’s on Wednesday, there was a lady with her mother (presumably) browsing bulk candy across from me. Lady: “Look, these are raisins. They should be easy for you to chew, and they’re covered with chocolate.” I’m grabbing a scoop of roasted almonds as I overhear the lady say, with a sarcastic tone, “that’s right, just put your hand in there and smear everything around.” The comment came off as bitchy, but maybe she was just frustrated by running errands with her invalid. Hands in the bulk bin are strictly forbidden, especially when it comes to kids and the elderly. Ewwwwww. This is common knowledge. The next comment was more frustration: “I don’t see how you can’t like them. They’re raisins.. covered in chocolate,” with the implication being the elderly woman enjoys both. And with that, they were out of my life forever.

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My mom called me last weekend and I randomly thought of my rant about fluorescent light bulbs, and brought up the topic for lack of anything else to say. I asked if she had installed any CFL’s in the house. “Yes, a couple.” Well just to let you know, be careful cleaning up if you happen to break one – they have mercury in them. She tells me a story I had heard before but forgotten. While a child, there were a couple occasions in which she played with the mercury from a broken old-school thermometer. Hattery madness.

American culture may tend to view the elderly as more of a burden than a source of wisdom, but I don’t recall anyone asking why. I’ll toss out a hypothesis: Back in the day, when the world changed at a much slower pace, an elderly person might have experienced all the cycles life had to offer. There was war and peace, famine and feast, but technology and social structure remained practically the same over a lifetime. When I was younger, there was the stereotype that old people couldn’t figure out how to set a VCR. A VCR for kids today is the equivalent of the 8-track from my youth – a piece of archaic media storage/playback technology, one that not everybody is even aware of.

Whom among us hasn’t had a grandparent say something culturally insensitive, if not outright racist? Maybe we don’t view the elderly as fonts of knowledge because they aren’t – at least not anymore. There must be some fundamental truths… wisdom that only age can bring. Right? I suppose there are some brilliant professors, later on in life, who have spent their entire lives contemplating a rather narrow subject and have valuable knowledge and wisdom to impart. For the most part, old people get left behind.

But not us! We’ve grown up in an age of constantly changing technology and can continue to follow trends and not be confused by or angry at them as our lives progress. On the other hand, I already question why anybody needs Blu-Ray or HD-DVD… isn’t regular DVD enough? Damn whippersnappers.

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The lady at Henry’s had to explain to her mother the correct way to act in the modern world. I got this sense that as we are raised, we are taught one interpretation of the right way – usually personal preference – and that we push our reinterpretations back onto the elderly when our own understanding of the world is greater. Imagine how my mom would have reacted if she saw me playing with mercury under her parents’ care?

Even the intangibles of aged wisdom are beginning to disappear. Family recipes? I can go online and find fully authentic, traditional recipes from any culture. A simple Google search can result in better results than the experience of the most seasoned of housekeepers. How to clean a certain type of stain? Google knows best. I was raised on certain urban legends simply because my mom didn’t know better. Don’t swim after eating, you’ll catch a cold, etc. There’s a reason a a subsection of urban legends are known as “old wives’ tales.”

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There may be some elderly people who have something to add to society, but the age of veneration on age alone is rightfully dead in the U.S. Admittedly, the maxim to “respect your elders” never made a lick of sense to me as a child, so I am biased. Some people truly enjoy taking care of the elderly. Good for them, but most of us are weary of entering a retirement home.

My grandma spent the last 3 years of her life living with my parents, with the exception of the final few months of her life. Although my dad’s mother, my mom bore the brunt of taking care of her. She was often frustrated and overworked, but she did it because that was her conception of duty and responsibility. I respect and admire her commitment, but can’t imagine ever having her or my dad living with me. Part of this is my lifestyle – single, not settled down, renting a room, no kids, etc. Maybe my outlook will change as my life does, but I don’t see it happening.

Taking care of the elderly is women’s work. Ahem. While not inherently true, this is one area where my imagination refuses to budge from cultural norms. I am not giving my mom, dad, or any other elderly person a bath. Ever. I don’t expect to have a wife who is willing, or a lifestyle conducive to spending years devoted to care for our parents. It’s harsh and based on youthful idealism (I’ll be too busy traveling the globe with my supermodel wife), but I expect that idealism to pan out.

It’s too early to stress about this. I don’t, actively, but I wonder if anyone else ever thinks about end-of-life scenarios.