Get Your Tanks & Grab Your Guns

In my last blog, I referenced a months-long drug-fueled research binge that has left the conspiracy theorists down the street on the brink (?) of paranoid insanity. If you’re going to become obsessed with a topic to the extent that you spend the majority of your waking hours consumed by it, I strongly suggest a component of substance abuse. It’s useful to render yourself an emotional wreck as days and weeks bleed into one another.

I’ve been on a kick myself the last couple months. It started innocently enough – I wanted to be able to properly dismiss the outlandish claims my roommate was bringing back from the conspiracy house. I read about central banking, monetary supply, global economics, the weakening of the U.S. dollar, the impact of shifts in currency valuation, arguments for and against the gold standard, and a wide variety of tangential issues. On my birthday, in the beginning of November, I started referring to the “Ron Paul Survivalist Movement.” If economic doom and gloom predictions are believed, then survivalism is the only logical conclusion: get as much land and as many guns as you can afford, and get ready to bunker down.

I was 10 years old at the conclusion of Ruby Ridge, 11 for Waco. Old enough to know what was going down without fully grasping the significance. During this time there was a lot of news about right-wing paramilitary separatist groups, although to what extent this was a culture of fear media exaggeration I don’t know. My next major brush with survivalism came not during Y2K, but a few years ago when I spent the better part of a year feverishly researching every topic related to resource depletion, peak oil, environmental degradation, and other happy apocalyptic topics. People spend very little time discussing solutions – it’s mostly a barrage of worst-case die-off scenarios where billions perish and the world is ruled by roaming mobs of armed bandits.

For two weeks after my birthday, I sunk deep into my survivalist alter ego – walking around convinced that the apocalypse was coming at any moment. A massive natural or man-made disaster can strike at any time, but most of us are capable of putting this out of mind to cope with reality. Us survivalists are a crazy breed, choosing to live consumed by crippling fear. I feared my lack of preparedness, lack of guns, and spent a significant amount of time looking at rural land for sale and pondering how I could earn the money to afford it – something I do rather often.

—

I don’t how popular survivalism is. Much of my reading was through the archives of SurvivalBlog, which receives ~50K unique hits a week. Fantasizing about moving out to the country and living off the land (ignoring the labor involved) is one thing, but the people that actually do it out of apocalyptic fear are compelling individuals. There is no group more right-wing and deeply Christian than survivalists. Believing in imminent doom fulfills some psychic need in itself, but so does the sense of being on the ground floor of something truly Big. These people are preparing for the ultimate “I told you so.” They harbor competing fantasies of having enough supplies to help out the needy and having enough guns to murder the inevitable hundreds of bandits that will try to steal said supplies.

The survivalists would argue that they are simply being realistic, but the gun nuts can’t hide how excited they are when discussing their dozens of guns and the tactical situations each would be useful in. They want nothing more than a legal right to shed blood, something that is far more prevalent in the U.S. than I would have thought. An elderly man in Texas recently murdered two people he suspected of breaking into his neighbor’s house – which will result in an interesting legal test of the limits of the Castle Doctrine. A surprising number of internet tough guys supported his actions, suggesting that citizens should have the right to end the life of anybody they suspect of having committed a crime.

—

As my obsession began to peter out, I decided to copy and paste the outrageous things I came across while reading posts on SurvivalBlog. Within 15 minutes I had pages of quotes. I hit the site just now and only took me a minute to come across an article on preparedness while traveling: LP suggests bringing thick rubber bands on airplanes “so you can tightly wrap one of those in-flight magazines into a makeshift club.” This is the kind of crazy I immersed myself in.

—

“The three questions that readers ask me about well and spring water are:

A.) Is well or spring water safe to drink?

Generally, yes. And because it is not fluoridated, it is probably much healthier than public utility-provided “city” water.”

The man who causes nuclear annihilation in Dr. Strangelove does so largely due to a belief that water fluoridization is a communist conspiracy. It’s amusing that this man who profits from selling fear believes in a similar conspiracy.

—

“All of our supplies and improvements have been done very quietly and surely not publicized, [since] most people would think we were weird or crazy. The idea of bugging out is unacceptable to me because I have a wife and two sons that are 6 and 7. We surely do not want to be refugees! I believe that the biggest problem for us will be the clans and gangs that will leave the cities (Winston Salem, Charlotte , Greensboro, and Raleigh ) and migrate to the countryside. These people live inside of city limits where their water, sewer, and social needs are taken care of, when the Schumer hits the fan, these folks will be moving to the countryside to prey upon anyone they can. I figure these roving gangs will terrorize the countryside until people start to band together and kill them.”

Schumer is a euphemism for “shit”, referring to Senator Chuck Schumer who authored the Assault Weapons Ban in 1994. In fact, there’s a whole glossary sprinkled with military terms. Without any direct implication, it is clear to me that he looks forward to the “banding together to kill roving gangs” phase of the apocalypse. Another common fantasy is that once the masses die off, conservative god-fearing folks who prepared will emerge as the leaders of the new utopian world. Clearly those with the paranoia and financial wherewithal to stockpile goods are the right people to lead the world.

—

“Jim,
I’m a believer in being prepared for the worst. However, how do I (we) survive 4+ years of an extreme left wing political take over of our system? Right now it looks like Hillary or Obama will win the Presidential elections in ‘08. With either of those two in and a left wing house and senate, I have to believe that we’re doomed. You have to know that firearms will probably be banned similar to Canada, Australia, and Great Britain. Are you going to give up your means of defense? When times get tough and food gets scarce, the government will ban “hoarding” and place stiff penalties on the same. I view the coming elections with dread. I don’t like having a target on my white male, conservative, Christian back. But, that’s how it will be. Sorry for such a gloomy note.
Regards, Tom E.”

I jotted down a related comment from a Fox News article a few days ago: “Any Republican is better than any Democrat. Democrats have sidled over to become Socialists. It has sneaked up on us and still is.” Bill Clinton dismantled welfare while embracing economic conservatism. The “left” in America is roughly equivalent to conservative parties in Europe. It’s stunning how victimized the right believes itself to be, and how flawed their understanding of American politics is. How could someone possibly believe a Democrat-controlled Congress/White House would move to outlaw guns? Tighter controls, maybe… whatever, how dare the American voters take over “your” system.

I guess it makes sense. Most forms of abortion are legal. Our teachers can’t praise the Lord in public schools, yet the mockery of evolution is taught in science classes. Being gay isn’t a capital crime, and when you take it into your own hands they arrest you for murder and call it a “hate crime”, of all things. These are the only issues that matter.

—

I’m not sure why I spent so much time on this topic, but the payoff has altered the way I view the world. It started with an assessment of my views on gun control. It was difficult to find stats on what types of weapons are used to commit crimes, but they are overwhelmingly handguns. Criminals don’t tend to tote around large rifles – and it isn’t that difficult to buy a weapon at a gun show that can be (illegally) converted to automatic fire. People say “automatic weapons should be illegal – who needs a machine gun to go hunting?” – as if hunting or committing crimes are the only two reasons to own firearms.

Put yourself in the mindset of the bloodthirsty survivalist. They want to be able to own big guns because they envision a day where having superior firepower will come in handy against armed bandits. I don’t see any valid reason why they shouldn’t be able to arm themselves as they please. Even if research showed that private ownership of “assault weapons” led to an increase in the lethality of crime, it wouldn’t necessarily follow that these weapons should be illegal. If it did, then high fructose corn syrup would be illegal as well.

While contemplating my disdain for gun control, I realized that certain lines do need to be drawn. Shall we allow civilian ownership of grenades? RPGs? Artillery? Tanks? Military planes? Nuclear ICBMs? There’s no “obvious” point to draw the line, but it’s clear that a line needs to be drawn. It’s inevitable that people will disagree on the placement – and this is politics. My roommate doesn’t believe he should have to pay taxes. So he didn’t, for 5 years, until the IRS caught up with him. Even the threat of massive back tax debt did not deter him, and he disagrees that roads, courts, and other various public services benefit him. People are freeloaders, governments necessary, and lines must be drawn.

—

Legitimate Republicans are ashamed that their party was hijacked by people pandering to the religious right who ignored the central tenets of conservatism by cutting taxes while engaging in record spending. Libertarianism mixes teenage fantasy, failed economic principles, and rich people desperately trying to justify their bounty. Democrats can’t be lumped into a single sum – they are the people who are not Republicans but choose to belong to the other major political party. There’s little coherence and no platform. National politics is far more about the horse race than policy.

My personal beliefs aren’t likely to be reflected in mainstream politics for a long time, if ever. I’m willing to give up what I believe should be universal rights in favor of state, local, and personal rights. The kinds I believe were guaranteed to us in the Bill of Rights. I am by no means a constitutional scholar, which allows me the benefit of bright-eyed idealism. As I read the Bill of Rights, it says “a power not explicitly delegated to the federal government belong to the states. If a state doesn’t take a stand, that power belongs to the individual.”

Pro-lifers point to Roe v. Wade as a blatant example of (liberal) judicial activism, and they’re spot on. I’m not willing to say abortion is wrong, but it certainly isn’t right. I could say more, but I’d get away from myself. You don’t agree that abortion should be covered by the right to privacy, I don’t believe that a non-viable fetus is a life deserving of equal protection. If my state wants gay rights, abortions for 16 year olds, and realistic approaches to the War on Drugs… why can’t we have it? The survivalists will leave the state, convinced that we will be the first target of God’s wrath. We’ll skyrocket to economic prosperity on the tax base of border “coffee shops”, childless gays, and immorality while the backwards belt maintains its morally superior communities that sweep meth addiction, widespread domestic abuse, and sexual crimes against children under the carpet. Those are personal matters, no need for the law to get involved.

Conservative states can outlaw abortion all they want. Don’t get upset when your daughters drive 40 hours straight into a state where they can legally get an abortion and end up in our streets because they know they’ve been disowned. Maybe they’ll just die in a back-alley procedure, if they’re lucky… it’s all part of God’s Plan. You don’t get prayer in schools or even intelligent design, but I get to legalize crack if I get enough people behind me. The constitution guarantees separation of church and state, but I don’t recall the “government gets to choose what goes in my body” clause. Strict constructionism goes both ways, and us socialist leftists win most of the battles since we don’t try legislate religious morality with no basis in constitutionality. Longstanding (unconstitutional) sodomy laws notwithstanding, it’s perfectly legal for two ladies to do whatever the hell they want behind closed doors in any state. And if I have to watch to make sure nobody infringes on that right…

—

Why not fifty separate Americas? What has one done for us? Extreme partisanship and lackluster candidates… call me crazy, but I can give this up in favor of real platforms that don’t focus on niche issues. I respect the fact that it took a strong federal government and activism bolstered by amendments to right a number of historical wrongs, but times change. Once states have more control over linchpin issues, we might see presidential candidates and other politicians who focus on important topics instead of state-level discussions that they have no control over.

While researching survivalism, I found out about small communities I could move to that would view me as an outsider as long as I lived, even if I embraced their religious and political agendas. My grandchildren might be considered locals. These are communities that want nothing to do with me and, feeling shunned, I will return the sentiment. Where did we get the idea that 300 million people spread over 3.79 million square miles could agree on anything? A compromise is no good when both sides feel victimized. I’m willing to accept a law-based compromise where only the other side feels victimized.