The Internet: Not For Horses

Even the cruelest bully could learn a thing or two from the seasoned vets of the internet playground. I was scanning through Fark comments on a teacher/student sex story with a twist: the student was homeschooled. Before you get the wrong idea… it was a private teacher molesting that poor, abused 14 year old boy – not his parents. The homeschooled crowd took offense to comments indicating that homeschooled children tend to be socially inept. One man knew he’d prove the world wrong with a quick comment and a picture:

“Yea, homeschooling really farked up my life. I’m 25, married, have a mortgage and a job as a web developer for a Fortune 100 company My parents really dropped the ball on that one…

And before you go all crazy about social interaction, this is the woman I married:”

Before we get to the picture, it’s important to note that he brought the response upon himself. Bragging about having a mortgage? Could be a subprime mess about to adjust and be foreclosed on. A job as a web developer? He could be an experienced web programmer, could be a trained monkey – and why does it matter that it’s a Fortune 100 company? Just a bigger hierarchy with more jobs at the bottom. Then to post a large picture of your wife, presumably without her knowledge, to “prove” an ability at social interaction… it’s a little counter-productive.

“Nobody is impressed.” “For all we know she could be batshit crazy.” “I want to have sex with your wife.” “I’d hate to have your oat bill.” We all learned a valuable lesson: if you’re going to post a picture of a beautiful woman you’re boning to validate your existence, don’t choose a picture featuring radioactive, glow-in-the-dark teeth and an exceptionally large smile. People will pick up on these features and quickly re-image them into an inspirational poster/lolcat hybrid.

In the old days people would print out a copy, masturbate onto it, take a picture, and upload that. We’ve come a long way, baby.