FLUORESCENT LIGHT BULBS WILL KILL YOU!!!

If you break one open and drink the delicious mercury within, it might. On the other hand, mercury use was once “thought to prolong life, heal fractures, and maintain generally good health,” and we all know ancient peoples were far more in touch with the planet than we are today. Or you could go as mad as a hat-wearing Chinese emperor – it’s all in the cards. On April 16th, 2007, the reputable WorldNetDaily ran this EXCLUSIVE on the dangers of energy-saving fluorescent light bulbs. It was quickly picked up by Fox News! and other conservative media outlets.

“Those environmentalist pigfuckers,” I thought, blatantly plagiarizing, “endangering my health to push their hippy agenda.” It was a broken lamp that put me on this thread, and during a brief search for a replacement I came across startling information: General Electric is, allegedly, a major player in the push for adoption of CFLs (compact fluorescent lamps/lights). They must make them, or something. Sure they last longer, which will eventually reduce bulbmaker sales, but they cost so much more and I bet the profit margin is higher as well. Work in a few municipalities banning the sale of incandescents and that’s a profit explosion worth controlling the media for. GE is the principal owner of NBC Universal, responsible for the hit entertainment show the “NBC Nightly News”. No wonder I had to turn to Fox for my fair and balanced news.